All kids involved in bullying—whether they are
bullied, bully others, or see bullying—can be affected. It is important to
support all kids involved to make sure the bullying doesn’t continue and
effects can be minimized.
Support Kids Who are Bullied
1.
Listen and focus on the child. Learn
what’s been going on and show you want to help.
2.
Assure the child that bullying is not their
fault.
3.
Know that kids who are bullied may struggle with talking
about it. Consider referring them to a school counselor,
psychologist, or other mental health service.
4.
Give advice about what to do. This may
involve role-playing and thinking through how the child might react if the
bullying occurs again.
5.
Work together to resolve the situation and protect the
bullied child. The child, parents, and school or organization may
all have valuable input. It may help to:
·
Ask the child being bullied what can be done to make
him or her feel safe. Remember that changes to routine should be minimized. He
or she is not at fault and should not be singled out. For example, consider
rearranging classroom or bus seating plans for everyone. If bigger moves are
necessary, such as switching classrooms or bus routes, the child who is bullied
should not be forced to change.
·
Develop a game plan. Maintain open communication
between schools, organizations, and parents. Discuss the steps that are taken
and the limitations around what can be done based on policies and laws.
Remember, the law does not allow school
personnel to discuss discipline, consequences, or services
given to other children.
6.
Be persistent. Bullying may not end
overnight. Commit to making it stop and consistently support the bullied child.
7.
Avoid these mistakes:
·
Never tell the child to ignore the bullying.
·
Do not blame the child for being bullied. Even if he
or she provoked the bullying, no one deserves to be bullied.
·
Do not tell the child to physically fight back against
the kid who is bullying. It could get the child hurt, suspended, or expelled.
·
Parents should resist the urge to contact the other
parents involved. It may make matters worse. School or other officials can act
as mediators between parents.
8.
Follow-up. Show a commitment to making
bullying stop. Because bullying is behavior that repeats or has the potential
to be repeated, it takes consistent effort to ensure that it stops.
Address Bullying Behavior
Parents,
school staff, and organizations all have a role to play.
1. Make sure
the child knows what the problem behavior is. Young
people who bully must learn their behavior is wrong and harms others.
2.
Show kids that bullying is taken seriously. Calmly
tell the child that bullying will not be tolerated. Model respectful behavior
when addressing the problem.
3. Work with
the child to understand some of the reasons he or she bullied. For
example:
·
Sometimes children bully to fit in. These kids can
benefit from participating in positive activities. Involvement in sports and
clubs can enable them to take leadership roles and make friends without feeling
the need to bully.
·
Other times kids act out because something else—issues
at home, abuse, stress—is going on in their lives. They also may have been
bullied. These kids may be in need of additional support, such as mental health services.
4. Use
consequences to teach. Consequences that involve learning or building
empathy can help prevent future bullying. School staff should remember to
follow the guidelines in their student code
of conduct and other policies in developing consequences
and assigning discipline. For example, the child who bullied can:
·
Lead a class discussion about how to be a good friend.
·
Write a story about the effects of bullying or
benefits of teamwork.
·
Role-play a scenario or make a presentation about the
importance of respecting others, the negative effects of gossip, or how to
cooperate.
·
Do a project about civil rights and bullying.
·
Read a book about bullying.
·
Make posters for the school about cyberbullying and
being smart online.
5. Involve the
kid who bullied in making amends or repairing the situation. The
goal is to help them see how their actions affect others. For example, the
child can:
·
Write a letter apologizing to the student who was
bullied.
·
Do a good deed for the person who was bullied or for
others in your community.
·
Clean up, repair, or pay for any property they
damaged.
6. Avoid
strategies that don’t work or have negative consequences.
·
Zero tolerance or “three strikes, you’re out”
strategies don’t work. Suspending or expelling students who bully does not
reduce bullying behavior. Students and teachers may be less likely to report
and address bullying if suspension or expulsion is the consequence.
·
Conflict resolution and peer mediation don’t work for
bullying. Bullying is not a conflict between people of equal power who share
equal blame. Facing those who have bullied may further upset kids who have been
bullied.
·
Group treatment for students who bully doesn’t work.
Group members tend to reinforce bullying behavior in each other.
7. Follow-up. After
the bullying issue is resolved, continue finding ways to help the child who
bullied to understand how what they do affects other people. For example,
praise acts of kindness or talk about what it means to be a good friend.
Support Bystanders Who Witness Bullying
Even
if kids are not bullied or bullying others they can be affected by
bullying. Many times, when they see bullying, they may not know what to do to
stop it. They may not feel safe stepping in in the moment, but there are many
other steps they can take.
